Have you wondered what the elements are that work together to create mental toughness?
After writing about Mental Toughness in articles (& doing podcasts) and creating the Never Quit Mindset program, a friend of mine asked me what I thought the top ten traits for mental toughness would be. After some thought and discussions with some successful, mentally tough people, we came up with this:
Lifting / Running Outside (year-round)
Mental Toughness – How Do We Get it / Develop It? Make it stronger? Many young people ask me these questions each day, and I wish there were a simple answer. I wish you could be mentally tough by figuring out a magic solution of phrases or training programs. But it is not that simple. Being mentally tough requires you to keep competing when your mind wants you to quit. Humans have a “safety switch” in our brains that tells us to stop in order to prevent us from hurting ourselves. We are natural-born survivors built to conserve our energy, store food, and simply live to survive another day. There are times you can actually shut that part of your brain off. When you do this, you realize your body is ten times stronger than your brain will let it be. Training programs in the Special Operations world help you tap into this mindset, but often your life experiences and habits can cultivate mental toughness and resilience that no one can match.
Here is a top ten list of common denominators in many people I know who have accomplished great things in their lives and continue to keep moving on to bigger and greater goals:
Daily Persistence / Focus – Never Stop! Do what you have to do every day, even when you are tired, feel lazy, or don't feel like it. It doesn't matter if it is physical training, studying for a test, working to a deadline, or just getting out of bed every day with a positive attitude – do it, no matter what. Make MOVING a habit. You may find all you needed was a good meal and hydration to give you the energy required to stay focused and finish or start a new task.
No one becomes mentally tough overnight. It takes a lifetime. Some of the toughest people I have met in my life know they have some level of toughness, but still say they have to work at it every day. In the Navy SEAL Creed, there is a line that says, “I have to earn it (the trident) every day.”
Stay Motivated: The secret to motivation is moving. Many think you need to be motivated to move. But movement spurs motivation. Most just have it backwards! So instead of waiting to be motivated, create motivation by moving.
You need a why! Why do you put yourself through painful training, long hours working, or studying? You have to answer this question – not me. It is no one’s job to motivate you; it is all SELF-MOTIVATION that keeps you moving. Have goals that you see each day getting closer and closer one step at a time into fruition. Prepare mentally for the weeks, months, or even years required to achieve your desired destination.
Have a quote that resonates with you – There are many great motivating quotes to get and keep you going. Here are some of my favorites when I need that extra affirmation:
1 – “Mental Toughness is finding the fuel when the tank is empty.” (My favorite – it sums up what mental toughness is in so many ways)
2 – “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
3 – “If you are going through Hell – keep going.”
4 – “Never Quit.”
5 – “Go for it now – the future is promised to no one.”
These are basically performance cues used by sports psychologists at every level of performance. There are many, many more to find online. Find one that works for you. Find a poster / make a poster – see it every day. Say it when you need it.
Rain to shine - get it done. Get comfortable being Uncomfortable.
Train to Compete – Not Just Survive: In relation to special ops training programs, athletic events, or even business, this is the biggest difference between those who graduate from training or succeed and those who do not. You should try to be in the type of shape and mindset that will allow you to win or be in the top 10% of the class in many events - at least some. Too many of us, in general, just get by each day “putting in their time” and barely living. Recognizing that you are stuck in survival mode is a crucial realization that can be the first step toward learning how to transform your life and compete for the first time. I developed this saying shortly before I ran my first and last marathon. My goal was to finish a 26-mile run. I saw a skinny kid from Africa warming up, and I realized he was about to run the same race as I was, but his goal was to drop a minute off his best time. My goal was to survive the event. Who has a better chance and finishing the race? The kid who was in competition mode – not me. I succeeded in achieving my goal and was able to use the "Complete – not just Survive" quote many times that day and ever since in my life.
Work to pass the guy in front of you...
You Never Think About Quitting When You Think About Winning.
Dissociation Training: There is a fine line between mental toughness and stupid, but when it is a life or death situation, there is no stupid method if it keeps you alive. Basically, how much pain, discomfort, and even fear can you play with? That is an immeasurable element of success. Dissociation refers to being able to take instructors yelling at you, cold water freezing you, sand chaffing you, and exhaustion slowing you AND not let it get into your head. There is a bit of “find your happy place” in these dissociation skills, but you still have to be focused on the mission at hand and not just be some zombie who cannot follow orders stuck in some Zen state. Maybe it is just being SO FOCUSED on the mission at hand – nothing else matters. That is why I put Daily Persistence and Focus as the #1 trait.
You can practice this skill with mundane, monotonous, long workouts like long runs, rucks, swims, and high-repetition pyramid PTs that can get pretty boring if you do not have the ability to think of something else besides counting reps, miles, and time.
Smiling While in This? How Bad Do You Want It?
Laugh: Finding humor in what happens to you daily is one of the best ways to get through the daily grind. Find humor in what challenges you. You would be surprised to find that, during a stressful event, a humorous comment or action can lighten the mood and keep you focused on the task at hand. In a group setting, finding humor and laughing can bond a team together like nothing else. By yourself, you have to laugh, as it will help change your mood, help you gather your thoughts, and overcome any negative feelings you may be experiencing at the time.
Know Your Weakness – Make It a Strength: You must have a level of internal awareness and recognize that there will be things you are not naturally good at doing. I have found that when working on my weaknesses, I need to check in and use a certain level of mental toughness to keep going, rather than when working on something I was naturally good at. For instance, prior to SEAL training, I was a powerlifting football player whose idea of long-distance running was anything greater than 100 yards. It took me a few years to get my running times down to where I could actually compete, or at least stay in the middle of the pack of my class when doing beach runs. Running was something that I had to check in mentally each time I ran, whereas the calisthenics and swimming were not something that challenged me as much. Even this day, running is something I have to focus on and "bring my A-Game " to stay in the pack.
We All Start Out as Beginners...
Plan Your Dive – Dive Your Plan: In training, we learned how to “Dirt Dive.” This is a step-by-step walkthrough of a mission, where we discuss each phase and explain how we achieve the desired outcome. Discussing and creating contingency plans is one of the outcomes that helps us to be immediately flexible in case something goes wrong. Create different routes to help you achieve your goal. There may be three to four different ways to get from point A to point B. Consider every possibility and don’t get discouraged if your original plan doesn't work out. Move on with a contingency plan. STAY FOCUSED ON THE END GOAL.
Big Goals with Sub-Goals: We all strive to achieve success in our endeavors. One event in my life that I knew was going to be a kick in the nuts was Hell Week – a 120+ hour evolution at SEAL training that requires everything out of you to complete. You eat every six hours with little or no sleep breaks for the entire week. I knew if I broke up the week into twenty-six-hour segments, it mentally seemed more obtainable than one 120+ hour / 5-day event. Parallel this in the business world by keeping track of weekly, monthly, and quarterly goals, and the next thing you know, your annual projections can also be obtained, even if you have to change course to get there. However, you won't know how to change course if you don't assess your progress. Remember - "you get what you inspect, not what you expect."
Stay Positive: Positive thinking and planning go a long way. If it is not in the schedule or plan, it does not exist; therefore, ensure you stay positive in your planning and actions. You will often have negative thoughts and doubts that occasionally enter your mind. A technique to overcome intrusive, negative thoughts is called “Name it and Tame it”. The next time a negative thought or doubt pops into your head or is spoken by another on your team, give it a silly name like “dumbass”. Then tell yourself out loud so you say it and hear it, “I can’t think about 'dumbass' anymore.” This may take a few rounds of practice, but it works to help you stay positive. Naming a thought takes away its power and shows you that you have control of your fears and anxiety. That is powerful.
This mental toughness top ten list works for many people I consider successful, motivated, and mentally tough, whom I interviewed for this article. I hope this list helps you. By no means are mental toughness tips and attributes limited to my top ten list. There are countless ways to build your mental toughness and resilience, which will help you stay motivated, think positively, and handle stress/adversity throughout the rest of your life.
Hang in there – and never, never give up.
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